Whether you’re a liberal or conservative Muslim, at some point you’re going to have to talk to her parents. Here’s how.

Like I was saying before, every girl has her own comfort zone. I mentioned earlier there are some girls that won’t even allow you to talk to them, unless you speak to their parents first. Which is totally understandable, girls may not want to keep their parents out of the loop on anything and only want to marry a guy that their family is comfortable with too. Plus, since parents know what it takes to make a marriage work, a mother and father’s take on a potential husband for their daughter is extremely valuable.

But even if the girl doesn’t want you to talk to her parents at the beginning, you’re going to have to talk to them at some point. Girls see this as a sign of seriousness. A guy willing to ask for a girl’s hand in marriage by talking to her parents shows he’s not just talking to a girl because it’s fun. It’s because he genuinely wants to build a future with her.

SIDE NOTE: This is only my personal advice, so it won’t apply to everyone. But I recommend you get the parents involved early. That doesn’t mean you have to formally propose to the girl immediately, but at least make her parents aware you’re talking to their daughter. It just makes it a heck of a lot easier when things get serious, and it creates less drama dude. There is a growing problem in the Muslim commiunity about parents not letting their daughter talk to a particular guy, and vice versa. Most of the times they object to it for crappy reasons such as race/age. In these cases, what I DONT recommend is doing something reckless like arguing with them or even eloping. If you are in a situation where you’re trying to marry a girl but the parents say no, I strongly recommend you talk to someone more authoritative on this subject, such as an imam.

First thing is first, before you talk to her parents, COORDINATE WITH THE GIRL FIRST. If you like a girl tell her something like “Listen, I don’t want to do anything shady. Do you mind if I talk to your family because I don’t want to do anything without you and your family’s blessing.” She will appreciate something like that immensely. What you shouldn’t do is find a girl you like, and without telling her, call her parents up and be like “Hey, can I talk to your daughter?” Girls find that extremely awkward and uncomfortable (most do at least). Just tell the girl something like “Is it cool if I talk to them?” Marriage is a team effort, and this should be no exception.

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No, because they have cooties.

I kid, I kid. I’m getting this question a lot, is there anything wrong with women finding a guy they like and making a move on them? Do the Muslim Wingman’s 5 Steps work for women?

Sorta. In this day and age, girls making the move is a lot more common. Women are independent more than ever and often have their goals in life figured out much quicker than men.

So what harm is it if a girl sees a guy she likes and tries to talk to him?  To me, there isn’t anything wrong with that IN THEORY. Society tells us there is an implicit rule that only the guy should be making the move and to me that’s silly. I don’t think a girl making the moves makes her a bad person.

But I said, there’s nothing wrong with a girl making a move “in theory.”  The problem is, most guys like making the moves instead.  We’re hunters. We chase after the things we want. So ladies, you can try making the moves on a guy all you want, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work. If you need to convince a guy that you’re worth talking to, then he’s probably not worth being with you to begin with.

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UPDATE: This is an extremely difficult subject to tackle with just my one viewpoint, which is why I’m glad many people have been weighing in on the comment subject with awesome input. Feel free to do the same.

Let’s face it, most of us have so much baggage from previous people we’ve met, that we should nickname ourselves “Samsonite”

Bringing up your past to someone is an extremely touchy subject but an important one. But before I answer that, I think it’s safe to say that most Muslim guys and girls don’t end up marrying the first person they ever begin talking to. Some of us may even talk to 3, 4 or 5 (if not more) people before we find the right person to marry. So let’s all get off our moral high horses for a second.

It’s hard to bring up your past with someone. You might be afraid to tell a girl you like that you’ve talked to other girls before without coming off as a sleazeball. And unfortunately, women who have talked to other guys before are unfairly characterized as sleazeballs even more.

But everyone’s past, guy or girl, needs to be placed in context. Maybe your engagement with another girl was broken off because you rushed into it because you were stupid, and you broke it off before it was too late. Or maybe you were going to marry a guy, but broke it off after finding out about his serious alcohol problem. Should that disqualify you from ever finding someone after that? I sure as hell hope not. Ultimately, Allah is the ultimate judge of the actions you take in life.

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If you want to be with a girl that looks like Aishwarya Rai, make sure you look like Shah Rukh Khan first.

A lot of my guy friends are super picky. They say they want a girl with drop dead gorgeous supermodel looks. Their reasoning is “If I’m going to come home to her every night, I want to be attracted to her so I never get bored and think about talking to someone else.”

Which is totally understandable. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with the best catch you can find.  But accept the fact that not every Muslim woman you’d like to marry, doesn’t want to be with you.

Don’t hate on a girl if she doesn’t have an anorexic figure, when you’re 20-25 pounds overweight yourself. I’m not saying this to insult you, but it’s a blunt truth that upsets a lot of girls who tell me guys have extremely unrealistic expectations.

I’m not just saying this about looks. A lot of my friends try way too hard trying to get girls that are WAY out of their league. And they wonder why they’re 28 and single lol.

There’s nothing wrong with being selective. Since this woman could potentially be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, there’s nothing wrong with taking precaution.  But you’re not going to be able to find a girl that’s going to meet every single criteria of your dream girl.

I tell my guy friends, write down all the ideal qualities that your dream girl should have. And of course try to find a girl that matches as many of those qualities as possible. But as you’re writing down those qualities, identify the ones that would be a deal-breaker with you if she didn’t have them. All the other non deal-breaker qualities are just icing on the cake.

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Remember the video game Mortal Kombat? When you beat your opponent the announcer yells “FINISH HIM!” That’s what closing is.

Closing is making you two an “item.”I don’t mean that in a boyfriend and girlfriend sense, because  overwhelming majority of Muslims believe dating is haram. But closing is making it very clear to her that you want to get to know her better for the purpose of marriage.

Remember, you are talking to this girl for something serious. Doesn’t mean you have to propose to her then and there, but you want to get to know her better and see where it leads.

Keep it casual. Say something like “You seem like a really cool girl. I’d definitely love to continue talking and get to know you better. I don’t want to rush anything because there’s still plenty we have yet to learn about each other but if it’s all right with you I’d like to continue talking.”

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Don’t just stand there, bust a move.

So the first conversation with her went great. You’re got to know each other, you know how to make her smile and so far she seems like a really interesting girl that seems to find you interesting too.

Remember how you have to find yourself an “in” to begin the first conversation? Well end the conversation by having an “out.” What I mean by that is, when the conversation finishes, establish that you two should continue talking. When you talk in person be like “It was really great talking to you, do you come to the library often? I’m sure I’ll run into you sooner or later.” Or simply ask something like “Hey, are you on Facebook?”

By the way, if a girl you’re talking to adds you on Facebook, it’s a pretty good sign she finds you interesting. But again, it’s just a sign so don’t jump up and down just yet.

Having an “out” will make it easier on you mentally because it will give you some kind of a guarantee that you guys can continue talking.

Now that you have an “out,” keep the conversations going. Maybe you’re hanging out more often at the library or exchanging messages back and forth via email or Facebook. So casually kick it up a notch. If you’re exchanging emails or Facebook messages, ask her to get on an instant message program. Be casual with it. At the end of one of your emails to her just be like “P.S., are you on Google Talk? My username is ______.” If she adds you, she is interested in talking some more.

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Time to keep things halal.

So you’ve got the conversation going and you want to find out what her preference is about getting to know a guy better for the purpose of marriage. Some girls may want to talk only on the phone or on email. Some girls may want to spend time hanging out for a while before they even consider you. There are also plenty of girls that may simply want you to speak to their parents first before you’re even allowed to talk to them.

Like I said before, as a guy, you must respect their preference and it’s important you find out early on in the conversation with her. Don’t ask her to talk on the phone if she’s not even cool with talking to guys without her parents permission.

It’s pretty easy to find out what her preference is. As you’re getting to know her, pay attention to little details like the way she dresses, the friends she keeps or what she likes to do for fun.

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As awesome as the Call of Duty video games are, most girls don’t give a crap about them. So in this step, I’ll teach you to avoid where most guys screw up … boring a Muslim girl to death.

So you met a girl, whether it is online or in real life, and you’ve got yourself an “in” to talk to her. Here’s how you make that “in” permanent and keep the conversation going.

Talking to her in person:

Ask and listen. Instead of you doing all the talking, let her. But you’re the guy, so stay in control of the conversation by asking her questions. Girls love to talk about themselves, so let them. Ask her a couple of questions like where did she grow up, what’s she studying in school and what made her want to get into that, etc.

Pay close attention to everything that she’s saying, because she’ll notice of that and appreciate it. If she tells you that she grew up in Chicago, ask a follow up question like “That’s really cool, do you like living in Chicago better or here?”

With her answers, feel free to throw in some things about yourself to relate. If she says she likes hip-hop and you do too, rattle off a couple of artists that you like listening to.

A big mistake guys make is talking too much in the first conversation, which often ends up boring the girl to death. That’s why I recommend you spend most of the first conversation asking her questions and then you can chime in here and there with little tidbits about yourself.

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Now that you understand the fundamental rule of talking to Muslim women, let’s begin.

The approach is the most nerve-wracking step of the entire process. Going up to a girl, whether she be a complete stranger or a girl you have seen around at school or in the community, and start a conversation with her. Your heart may be pounding just thinking about it. But when you successfully find the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll look back on this moment and laugh about how nervous you were when you first met her.

Girls absolutely love a guy with confidence. That doesn’t mean you have to be cocky or arrogant, but Muslim girls appreciate a guy that respectfully comes up to them and initiates a conversation. Once you do it, you’ll be surprised how easy it actually is to approach a girl.

The first thing you should know is that there are over 1 billion Muslims on the planet.

Let’s say 50 percent of them are female, and let’s say half of that portion are single, eligible Muslim women. So if you talk to a girl and you strike out, don’t worry. Because do the math, if a girl says no to you, there are around 249,999,999 other Muslim women that you could choose from. Rejection hurts, but it’s like ripping off a band-aid. If you approach a girl with confidence and get rejected, it may sting initially, but only for a little while. You’ll be fine, trust me. In fact, you’ll be proud of yourself that at least you tried, rather than kicking yourself forever for not trying.

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Be a man, show some respect.

Over the next few posts,  I will  explain how to approach Muslim women you’re interested in with five idiot-proof steps. But before I do that, you must know the most important rule: unlike Muslim guys, Muslim girls have EXTREMELY FRAGILE reputations.

If you are not interested in pursuing something serious with a Muslim girl, then don’t approach her period. That doesn’t mean you must ask a girl to marry you within a day of meeting her, but don’t approach her unless you are serious. Approach her because she seems like an interesting girl and you’d like to get to know her better.

Most girls aren’t looking for a guy that wants to talk to her simply because it’s fun to do. Girls want to meet a guy to see if there’s a potential to build a future with them. And you should too, otherwise don’t waste their time.

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